Thursday, 6 November 2008

Obama Favourite For Glenrothes Election

Scottish By-Election “Could Be Watershed Moment”

As voters head to the ballot boxes in the Fife constituency of Glenrothes, early exit polls show Barack Obama as a surprise frontrunner to be elected MP. The election, called after the death of John MacDougall from the embarrassment of being a Labour MP, is expecting a record turnout of over 90% as people flock to show their support for the US assassination target elect. “This is a chance for history to be made” said Glenrothes mayor Glen Ebbsfleet “For the first time ever, an African-American could be both leader of the Free World and backbench Scottish MP.”

As Obama’s name does not appear on the ballot paper, Glenrothes residents have been scrawling his name at the bottom, with a tick next to it. Although the spelling of his name has been variable (“One voting paper said ‘That lovely wee black feller from America who drove Miss Daisy’ on it”, said one ballot counter), it is obvious that the US politician is the local favourite to spearhead Glenrothe’s bid to win the “Best Kept Large Town” once more.

Conservative candidate Maurice Golden has tried to emulate Obama’s oratory in his final election speech, saying “Can we improve public transport to Kinglassie & Freuchi? Yes we can. Can we sustain local businesses after the expansion of the Kingdom Shopping Centre? Yes we can. Can we reinstate the Rosyth ferry service to Belgium? Yes we can. God bless Scotland!”

It is unclear whether Obama will accept the will of the Glenrothes electorate as it was revealed today that back in America, he looks set to inherit a smouldering heap of rubble. As George Bush winds down his term in office, sources close to the president have revealed that he plans to leave little of worth behind. “He’s already taking the batteries out of the smoke alarms and remote controls, the lightbulbs from the back rooms” said one aide. “He’s got his cousin turning up next week to lift up the lawn round back of the White House.”

By the time Obama takes office in January, the White House is expected to be little more than a husk held up with hastily-erected joists as Bush attempts to extract every last dollar of profit from his tenure. “He’s done this before” continued the unnamed aide. “When the new governor of Texas took over after George won the presidency, he walked into his office to find all the carpets missing and ‘Fuk U Budy’ scrawled on the wall in what appeared to be faeces.”

1 comment:

jimmy w said...

‘Fuk U Budy'... I can picture it now, awesome. In some ways I'll miss the Texas retard. Hopefully that'll pass.