Monday, 17 November 2008

46% Of Adults “Never Seen A Child”

“Are They Some Breed Of Deer?” Ask Poll Subjects

A recent survey by Barnardo’s showed that 46% of British adults are not petrified into a shivering funk of terror at the thought of encountering a swarm of barely-coherent youths high on glue & WKD on some blood-sodden street corner.

This has prompted Dale Ebbsfleet, who conducted the survey on the charity’s behalf, to conclude “We can only assume that these people have never actually met any children. Either that or they were so traumatised by their last encounter that they foolishly consider children to be twinkle-eyed Enid Blyton-esque creations who’d never dream of breaking into your flat, shitting on your couch and pinching anything narrow enough to fit through the doors of Cash Converters.”

However, Barnardo’s have cautioned against demonising Britain’s youth, claiming the vast majority of teenagers are “Decent and caring” and that terms like “Feral & Vermin” should be avoided.

This view was contested by Jez Template, whose Knutsford corner shop has been the target of 347 youth-related crimes since October. “Decent and caring, you say?” asked Template. “Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. If you’d have said “Hormonally driven to drink, hump, stab or steal everything they can get their hands on” then I’d have known who you were talking about. Only last week I had a pair of little twatters come into the shop. They set fire to a copy of ‘Razzle’, fucked the ashes, then pocketed the charred remains.”

When asked what alternative terms should be used to describe the youths who have targeted his shop, Template replied “Well if they won’t let me call them feral vermin I’m going to have to go for “Inexcusable shitheaps”. Is that okay? Anyway, I’m going to have to go. A bunch of twelve year olds are stabbing up my greeting card display for disrespecting them.”

But Barnardo’s continue to assert that many problem children have issues at home that drive them into criminal activity. One spokesperson stated “A lack of parental control, undiagnosed learning difficulties, even a poor diet can all contribute to antisocial behaviour. That and the fact they’re a bunch of amoral shitehawks.”


Emma-Jane Cross said...

Whilst we at Beatbullying welcome other charities constructively carrying out research into youth behaviour, it is completely irresponsible to allow our 11 million children and young people to hear that 53% of adults think they are animals – is this really a positive example to set our young people?

The advertisement campaign to coincide with the report is equally disturbing and irresponsible. Intended to show how society condemns young people, it does nothing but enhance extremely dangerous misconceptions and further demonises our youth.

As a result, we urge Barnardo’s to reconsider its decision to run this campaign.

Gav said...

To be fair though, Emma - they're not far wrong are they?

I'd blame the scummy little chavs for being one of the main reasons I emmigrated to the other side of the globe earlier this year. Seriously.