Monday, 3 March 2008

T4 Presenter Fired For Sincerity

'Professionalism & Dignity' Also Cited

Following mounting pressure from T4 viewers - a disparate band of hungover thirtysomethings, pill-ridden twentysomethings and morbidly masturbating teenagers – Channel 4 have fired presenter Jez Ebbsfleet.

Although the broadcaster would not confirm the reasons for Ebbsfleet’s departure, an inside source suggests it was Ebbsfleet’s “Repeated insistence on showing genuine, heartfelt emotion in front of camera and his refusal to display faux enthusiasm toward whatever bulimic Hollywood child star was sat on the couch to promote their wretched wares.”

Ebbsfleet first caught the public’s eye on T4 for dressing like a normal human being, rather than looking like an elephant had just shat out the contents of Hoxton’s branch of Oxfam into a pair of Converse trainers. His hairstyle also raised eyebrows, mainly for being the kind of cut that wouldn’t get your average hairdresser fucking chinned.

But Ebbsfleet soon came into conflict with the show’s producer’s for “Not introducing yet another repeat of ‘Friends’ like he was doing the nation an enormous favour.” His diction also came under fire, as “He would not affect a drawling, bone-idle accent that his colleagues had perfected after years of hoovering gak in some godawful nightspot while a random Geldof played her frigging ipod over the main speakers.”

The final straw came during last week’s episode of T4. Asked to interview Al Pacino, Ebbsfleet allegedly studied several of the actor’s major works, re-read the main texts on american cinema and prepared questions asking Pacino how modern filmmaking compared with the maverick spirit of the 1970s.

The unnamed source revealed “The producers hit the fucking roof. How was Ebbsfleet supposed to yawningly sneer at Pacino with preparation like that? And contrary to T4’s editorial policy, his questions were pertinent, respectful of a genuine talent and likely to elicit interesting responses. He’d completely ignored orders to do a terrible ‘Scent Of A Woman’ impression too.”

Channel 4 would only confirm that Ebbsfleet was no longer working on T4 and again refused to give reasons for his departure. But the unnamed insider was convinced of the reasons. “Channel 4 can bang on about artistic differences, temporary contracts or ‘other projects’. But the truth of the matter is that Jez Ebbsfleet was sacked from T4 because he wasn’t an utter, festering fucking cunt.”

1 comment:

Hel F said...

fantastic post. i'm 21 and i'm embarrassed by a lot of the TV that channels think "the yoof" want.