Thursday, 27 March 2008

France Waves Wads Of Euros At Britain

Thousands Laugh Throatily While Groping Sexy Waitresses

France continued its campaign of making the UK feel inadequate, unimportant and pathetic by lining up along the coast of Calais and waving large denomination notes in the direction of Dover before setting fire to them. Dover coastguards reported hearing the crowd chanting “We have metric tonnes more of zis at home, you know?”

The humiliation started earlier in the week with the visit of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, when the visiting premier looked like a gracefully-aging crooner next to Gordon Brown’s civil-servant-with-angina appearance. Sarkozy compounded matters by introducing the Browns to his new wife, Carla Bruni. Brown was alleged to have looked at Bruni – a singer / model / heiress that looks like a sexy Roswell alien – before turning to his own wife and muttering “And I‘ve got another thirty years with that Yeti. Christ.” under his breath.

Sarkozy was also invited to a banquet at Buckingham Palace, where he was heard to remark “Zis is all very nice, but in my country we dealt with these parasites 200 years ago. In France, all zis would be, how you say, an art gallery with maybe a cafĂ© selling incredibly tasty coffee.”

Matters were made worse last night with England’s 1-0 defeat to France in an international friendly. “We’ve got egg all over our faces.” said part-time England captain and full-time moron Rio Ferdinand. “But it’s beautifully creamy, free range egg cooked with fresh butter and just a hint of herbs. The buggers can make even something as simple as that taste lovely.” England manager Capello confirmed that the humble pie England were forced to eat by the French was “So tasty, many of the players had seconds. The pastry melted in the mouth and the filling was rich, beautifully cooked and packed with flavour. What’s worse is that it only took them 15 minutes to prepare it. Ribery apparently whipped it up in the dressing room at half time.”

International Relations expert Franck Ebbsfleet has warned that more is to follow. “By Saturday, I fully expect the French airforce to drop thousands of leaflets over Kent that boast about house prices in Ardennes. Bastards.”

1 comment:

James said...

you crack me up, damn their delicious pastry.