Monday, 9 June 2008

Hyde Park Bukkake Protest “A Success” Say Organisers


World Leaders Must Listen To Our Grunts, Say Protestors




An open-air bukkake party held in London’s Hyde Park to highlight global warming was “An unqualified, gooey triumph” according to Reed Ebbsfleet, head of the political pressure group “A Face Full Of Love”.

Over 200 engorged protestors gathered near the Diana Memorial Fountain to protest against “People burning coal and stuff” by jettisoning ounces of reproductive juice onto AFFOL spokeswoman target Candi.

Candi, an actress/model/human spittoon from Knutsford voiced her delight in being able to help out such a worthy cause. “I like trees and polar bears and that, so looking like a cake iced by a lunatic with Parkinsons is a small price to pay” said Candi as she washed the stringy mess from her hair.

Police were on standby but no arrests were reported and a Met spokesmen said “They were a good-natured, peaceful crowd who just wanted to empty their nutsacks in protest. Better than those Pro-Hunt lot. Bunch of stuck-up turds.”

Ebssfleet founded AFFOL in 2003. On the organisation’s website he cites a trip to Japan as being the inspiration behind AFFOL’s work. “I’d gone over to Tokyo to get some magazines you can’t buy in England and a friend pointed out to me that my trip for wank fodder had caused a carbon footprint equivalent to 60,000 trips to the corner shop to buy a copy of Razzle. It was then I realised that I had to combine my love of protein showers and environmental issues.”

A video of the protest was sent to the Secretary of State for Environment, Food & Rural Affairs, Hillary Benn. A government insider stated that Benn was visibly moved by footage of the protest, saying “What’s…hang on, what are they?....Aww, Jesus I’m gonna spew…Turnitoffturnitoff!”

A Face Full Of Love is hoping to mount further protest rallies across the globe, with rumours of celebrity endorsements from Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Kate Moss amongst others. “We had Jade Goody calling to offer her services” said Ebbsfleet “But we had to say no. I’d do anything to save this planet, but there are limits. She looks like a fist full of jelly, for fuck’s sake.”

1 comment:

jim said...

you're back! wicked...