Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Gordon Brown Does A Runner

PM’s Phone Switched Off Since Yesterday

Following the fuel crisis, disastrous by-election results and the continuing war in the Middle East, reports are coming in that Gordon Brown has done a moonlight flit. Details are still sketchy, but there are reports that Number 10 has clothes strewn all over the place, half-eaten meals still on the dining table, and a pile of letters marked “Ministry Of Defence – URGENT” on the doormat.

An anonymous colleague stated “After all the grief he’s been getting over the last few months, I think Gordon’s realised he’s not going to be able to dodge everyone who’s after him. He’s obviously given everyone a Govan bodyswerve.”

The Bank Of England were quick to issue a statement: “We have been trying to contact Mr Brown for several months over irregularities in the budget. Initially he would return our calls, making vague comments about prudent economic changes in the pipeline. But when the housing market went cocks-down, whenever we called him it would just go to voicemail.”

Unconfirmed reports have suggested that Brown is kipping on George Bush’s couch until the whole thing blows over. “Bush has always had a lot of time for Brown” said one insider “Maybe Brown feels that America is far enough away from the mess he’s left behind. Bush has a sweet entertainment room too, with an Xbox, Sky+ and a kicking stereo. I think the PM will probably mooch off of Bush until his wife tells him to kick him out.”

Gordon Brown’s mother denied any knowledge of where her son is, saying “I dinnae ken wit’s wrong with the wee shite. A’m no havin’ the head o’ the EU knockin’ on ma door makin’ a holy show in front o’ the neighbours. You see him, right, and you can tell him I’ll take ma hand off his face next time I see him.”

Tony Blair has already tried to distance himself from the PM’s disappearing act. “Hey, look, we worked together for a while, yeah?” said the former war criminal “But if you’ve got problems with inflation that’s totally down to him, okay?”

Gordon Brown’s wife has allegedly applied for a crisis loan to cope with the PM’s sudden disappearance.

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