Obama Has Sex With Marilyn Monroe

Bombshell’s Corpse Exhumed In Kennedy Association Bid

Barack Obama has upped the ante in his bid to be compared with JFK by having sex with the remains of shite dead actress Marilyn Monroe, it was reported today. In a sombre re-enactment of Kennedy’s trysts with the pill-ridden tragedy magnet, Obama was said to have had brief, joyless sex with Monroe’s husk in the back of a limousine whilst driving through downtown Los Angeles.

The limousine driver, Biff Ebbsfleet, said “Mr Obama said he was on his way to a charity fundraiser but had to make a quick stop first. My suspicions were first aroused when two secret service agents got in the back carrying shovels, tarpaulin and big jars of Vicks Vaporub.”
Ebbsfleet went on to say they stopped outside Westwood Village Cemetery for about an hour before he was ordered to drive off again. From the back of the limo he could hear strange noises. “There was a kind of grunting going on, as well as what sounded like somebody retching. I heard something like twigs snapping for a while before I heard Mr Obama shout “Ugghh!!! Ich bein ein sick puppy!” I was then asked to turn the car around and back to the cemetery I went.”

It was only later that Ebbsfleet put together the pieces of the puzzle. “When we got back to the cemetery, the secret service guys were carrying something out the back seat. As they passed a sidewalk vent, a billow of white silk blew up from underneath the tarpaulin. Later, when I was cleaning the limo, amongst the smell of stale vomit and rancid meat, I got a whiff of Chanel No 5, Monroe’s favourite scent. Then the penny dropped”.

This is the latest step in Senator Obama’s campaign to become the new Kennedy, which has included a visit to Berlin, his wife dressing like Jackie Kennedy and his inevitable assassination early in his presidency. His brother, Knut Obama, has been reported as saying “If anyone thinks I’m running for president after Barack gets shot, they can jump in the nearest river and fuck a passing trout.”