Wednesday, 21 January 2009

City Move To Sign Obama As Manager

Hughes To Be Replaced By Leader Of The Free World

Following yesterday’s inauguration ceremony, Barack Obama’s first responsibility will be to consider a £500M bid from increasingly-ludicrous football team Manchester City to replace Mark Hughes as manager. City representatives look set to fly out to Washington today to woo the US president into taking over the day-to-day running of the Eastlands outfit.

“We think this offer is too good for Obama to refuse” stated City Executive Chairman Gary Cook. “We’ve got half a billion large waiting for him in a Swiss bank account if he signs the contract. We’ve worked out a compensation package for the American nation to hold another election, but in Vice President Joe Biden they’ve got a ready-made replacement to take over the country. I also understand that Joe Royle has expressed an interest.”

Cook was apparently convinced of Obama’s suitability to the role after watching coverage of Obama’s inauguration on Sky News. “When I saw that two million people had turned up to watch the ceremony, I thought “We could do with crowds like that at our place”. Imagine it – two million people crammed in to watch us play FC Copenhagen in February. That would make Ferguson’s nose explode, wouldn’t it?”

City’s move for Obama has been supported by impotent World Cup-winning rentaquote Pele, who famously once stated “In my lifetime, I predict an African-American will win the League Cup”. The Abu Dhabi Group, City’s wealthy backers, have also endorsed the bid, stating “We could buy your whole country and fire it at Jupiter if we so chose, so do not question our decisions.”

Pundits are divided over whether the bid will be successful, with Alan Hansen particularly sceptical. “It’s an absolutely shocking decision” said the dour Captain Scarlet doppelganger. “Right now they need a gaffer that can get the team working as a unit, shore up the defence and push them up the league. Rather than an ambitious ex-congressman who has consistently campaigned on a platform of social change and cautiously progressive liberalism.”

Trevor Brooking stated “Well, ermm, errr, the lad’s not got much experience of top-flight football management, has he? But it would certainly be a big name signing and he might improve City’s performance when it comes to converting crosses. Like when I scored with that header in the 1980 cup final. I didn’t score many with me head, as you know…”

One Obama insider has expressed doubts that the president will move to Manchester, however. “Barack has accepted the challenge to overhaul US finance, build bridges with the international community and heal deep social divisions in America. But I think getting a decent performance out of the likes of Elano might be one challenge too far.”

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