Friday, 5 September 2008

Moyles Slammed For Promoting ‘Being Shite’

DJ ‘Frequently Revelled In Mediocrity’, Says Report

Radio 1’s jumped-up iPod Chris Moyles has been the subject of serious criticism from an academic study that found he “Repeatedly attempted to make being a moronic, bullying, talentless buffoon appear a glamorous, aspirational lifestyle.”

The study, which listened to over 1,000 hours of radio, found over 600 references to ‘being a boorish, unfunny braggard’, 375 references to ‘thinking mild homophobia and pig ignorance is hysterical’ and 250 references to ‘basking in the fact he’s an unimaginative, obnoxious shitpeddler’ in Moyles’ show.

Researcher Karl Ebbsfleet said “It’s a dangerous message to be sending out, particularly at a time of day when kids could be listening. Childhood stupidity is steadily increasing, as well as the number of youths dabbling in pig-eyed bigotry.”

“Many of these kids will look up to Moyles and think “He’s a globulous, sexist, opinionated, pointless fat heap of dung and he’s a millionaire. If it’s worked for him it could work for me.” But what they don’t realise is that binge idiocy usually leads to a very unhappy life, probably driving a minicab, boring acquaintances down the pub with your unoriginal quips and ill-informed opinions.”

Moyles joined Radio 1 in 1997 where he was an instant hit amongst the broadcaster’s hooting, subhuman listeners with his hilarious song parodies that replaced one word of the song title with something else, usually ‘beer’ or ‘pie’.

Early features in Moyles’ show included “Fuck Off, You Poof”, “Let Me Feel Your Tits And I’ll Give You A Pound, You Fucking Whore” and “Guess Who I’m Shagging?”, in which he described the latest hapless starfucker who was prepared to have his juddering, sweaty carcass heaped on top of her for three minutes in order to get a job as a runner for Terry Wogan.

Moyles has had frequent run-ins with Ofcom, mainly over his repeated insistence on being an asinine fuckwad, but has so far managed to hold on to his vapid nonentity of a job. Ebbsfleet, however, feels his new academic study could spell the end for the DJ.

“Society has changed and the message broadcasters send out to youths needs to reflect that.” said Ebbsfeet. “Gun & knife culture, excessive drinking, eating junk food – we cannot have these glamorised by the media. But more than that, we cannot have a whole generation growing up thinking that being disgraceful, pathetic, revolting shitefist like Moyles is acceptable.”

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