BoyBand Reunion Woes

Boy Band Reunion Put On Hold

The planned reunion of 90s boyband New Kids On The Block has been delayed after it was revealed that nobody could remember who all of them were.

“It’s a goddamn shame, as we were putting together a package tour with Colour Me Badd & Glenn Madeiros” said US music mogul Hank Ebbsfleet.

The initial idea is thought to have been prompted by Take That’s comeback tour, which has seen thousands of 30-something women screaming with sexually frustrated abandon at a band that looks like a bunch of recovering heroin addicts.

“We all remembered Donnie, of course” said Ebbsfleet “which was easy enough to do. The guy’s actually had a career in the last 15 years, know what I mean? Jordan was the one all the girls had a crush on, I remembered, and I got his number from Syd Little after he did that show with him on Channel 5.”

Jordan’s brother was also remembered, but was only tracked down after he sold Ebbsfleet a condo in LA.

“After that we were totally stumped” admitted Ebbsfleet ”We knew there were two, possibly three more members but for the life of us we couldn’t think who they were. One of them looked like an Easter Island statue wearing a clown mask, we knew that much.”

Attempts to jog their memory by buying copies of the albums met with failure. “Trying to buy a copy of a NKOTB album in a store today is like going into Starbucks and asking for a flagon of mead.” said Ebbsfleet.

Asking the existing band members met with failure too, as neither Donnie, Jordan nor his brother could remember anything more specific than “One of the guys had tattoos, we think.”

One possible solution is to have other members of Ebbsfleet’s package tour double up as bogus New Kids. “Who’s gonna know the difference? The Colour Me Badd guys used to have more pussy than sense and we’ve just rescued them from flipping burgers. If I tell ‘em to put on a wig and mime to ‘Hanging Tough’ those motherfuckers will do it.”