Television Complaints Hit New Heights

Ofcom Inundated By 'Whole Evening Of Shite' Complaints


A spokesman for the TV watchdog Ofcom confirmed today that the number of complaints from irate viewers after last Saturday night's schedule of repeats, reality tv shows and soaps were 'unprecedented'.
"It's like an avalanche of hungry babies hitting a silage plant" he said. "We've turned the phones off but that's not stopped people throwing notes through the windows wrapped around frozen lumps of shit. As I speak, somebody has trained a kestrel to hover outside our office with the word 'wankers' painted on its wings."
It is understood that a combination of events led to the record level of televisual dissatisfaction. Media expert Duwayne Ebbsfleet stated "The BBC sent a license fee reminder the same day as Sky sent their bill out. This alone would be enough to push most viewers to the edge. But when ITV showed a jumped-up karaoke night followed by Parkinson interviewing Billy Connolly for the umpteenth fucking time, their anger reached critical point."
"It was awful" sobbed one viewer, who wished to remain anonymous. "I kept pushing the channel change button over and over again, but all that happened was a collage of Clarkson, 'Friends' repeats and Argos adverts."
ITV have admitted there were some 'technical difficulties' during Saturday's broadcast. "The Commissioning Head Of ITV is under a lot of pressure and unfortunately this sustained pressure caused his bottle to go completely. We are reviewing our contingency plans for when this occurs but until that's in place, a complete bottling out of ITV to produce anything original, entertaining or challenging will mean more weekend schedules of unremitting cock."