Saturday, 5 January 2008

'Universe Created On A Friday' Say Scientists

'Universe Created On A Friday' Say Scientists

Research at the Sutton Coldfield Astrophysics College has revealed that all that ever was and ever shall be came into being on a Friday. "We reckon it was about ten past four in the afternoon, if you want to be really precise" said chief researcher Patrick Ebbsfleet.

The actual day of the beginning of existence has been established after weeks of painstaking work. "We pulled together several disciplines of scientific study" said Ebbsfleet "History, Theology, Physics and, of course, Wikipedia. I'm having next week off after all that graft, I can tell you."

The research team started by establishing the earliest known date in recorded history - a Mesopotamian shopping list dated 5th June, 4512 BC - and worked backwards from there. "After that, we added up all the ages of the people in the Bible, so that got us back a bit further." said Ebbsfleet. The team then used existing carbon dating & astrophysical research ("Wikipedia. Godsend, that website is." - Ebbsfleet) to stretch back into the furthest reaches of time. "Most scientists agree that current research can't account for the absolute start of time, so we added on a couple of days" he continued.

The Sutton Coldfield institute feel that the revelation the universe came into being late on Friday afternoon can answer many current questions about life on Earth. "If you look around the world a lot of it seems half-arsed, unplanned and shoddy. Clearly something that was done just before knocking off for the weekend." said Ebbsfleet.

Religious leaders have been quick to condemn the report, with His Holiness the Pope calling the thesis "The bumwad of Satan" and one leading Muslim cleric denouncing it as "Shoddy, ill-conceived and probably bombworthy."

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