Monday, 28 July 2008

Prostitutes To Sue Over Katona Jibe

“We Wouldn’t Be Seen Dead in Iceland” Says IUSW Spokestrollop

After Kerry Katona won a sizeable damages suit against the Sunday Mirror for claims that she had once been a prostitute, the International Union of Sex Workers has filed a claim of defamation after being compared to the former Atomic Kitten.

IUSW media spokesmoppet Candee Ebbsfleet said “We cock-handlers have been stigmatised since the dawn of history. In Ezekiel, the Bible says ‘And they shall burn your houses and execute judgments upon you in the sight of many women. I will make you stop playing the whore, and you shall also give payment no more.’ which not only encourages arson but non-payment for goods received.”

Ebbsfleet went on to reference other instances of dollymopism, including the 1842 Decency Act, which forbids “Any woman to walk the streets unaccompanied for the purposes of exchanging handjobs for farthings” and the John Ford play “Tis Pity She’s A Whore – Dump Her Body In A Rolled Up Carpet In A Layby.”

The IUSW formed in the year 2000 to work for the rights of its members and their right to work with members. They feel the Sunday Mirror’s article is deeply detrimental to the average prostitute in the street.

“Most sex workers are normal, decent people trying to earn a living and by comparing us with somebody like Kerry Katona, the Sunday Mirror has reinforced the prevailing view that we’re all drug-addled, foul-mouthed commoners with a face like a burst embryo” said Ebbsfleet.

The Sunday Mirror has been quick to distance itself from the IUSW’s allegations, stating “By saying Kerry Katona was an ex-prostitute, our intention was never to denigrate the vast majority of decent, hardworking hookers. We fully accept that being a sex-worker does not automatically mean you’re a talentless, tone-deaf, pig-eyed sack of dung and we apologise if any such inference was made.”

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